The New PUA
I’ve been a dating coach for years. In that time I’ve read every book and watched every video on dating. I know all about the PUA movement. For those of you not in the know, PUA stands for “Pick-Up Artist.” This guy, Mystery, began teaching guys about how to pick up chicks way back in the early 2000s. Interesting stuff. The other day I was talking to my friend about the PUA movement and we touched on some interesting points. I’m warning you: no direct on advice on picking up women today. Just some good old fashion self-reflection. I hope by reading this post you guys will have a better perspective of what you want from yourself, and from women.
Most guys claim to want to be players. Who wouldn’t want to be able to date tons of gorgeous women? Who wouldn’t want chicks fighting each other to get the chance to be with them?
Well, it turns out, most of them.
When I entered the dating coach scene I made a promise to myself — a mission statement, if you will — that I would be extremely ethical in the way I taught men. I never wanted to teach men how to simply manipulate women. However, the ethics to me is more than that. Virtually any guy can make virtually any girl fall in love with him. There is a science behind it. However, there is more to my ethics than mere concern for women. I’m concerned about the men, too. In manipulating women the man deceives himself.
I’ve had dozens of one-on-one clients that I’ve taken from relative social ignorance to social mastery. In that time, I’ve learned that most guys think they want to be players, but they don’t really. No other dating coach will tell you the truth — it’s bad for their marketing — by I will: most people only truly feel attraction for a relatively small percentage of other people. When I say true attraction I mean beyond the physical. Once you start talking to someone, it’s pretty rare for many people (and certainly the majority of my clients) to actually develop a real connection with the girl their talking to.
We are who we are. If we’re intelligent, analytic men, we’re going to want a girl that is also intelligent. If we have very strong values and/ or political beliefs, we are going to want a girl that shares our values and beliefs. Unsurprisingly, we tend to form connections with people we view as being very similar to ourselves.
Which brings me back to the PUA movement. Some of these guys want to to convince you that you will find fulfillment in sleeping with hundreds of women. If only you could learn how to run game on girls, these coaches reason, you would finally find happiness.
I’ve dated and slept with more women than I can count (literally). Of those women, I only really remember a few dozen. A large portion of those women I ran game on, but I didn’t really care about. I don’t think that’s necessarily wrong — there have been large parts of my life where I’ve been focused on business and building and I had no desire for a real connection. Some guys certainly just want casual sex. As long as they are honest about it, I don’t see the problem with it.